A childhood memory. I don’t remember how old I was – maybe five or six - at least around the age to start taking notice of the Grownups and the kinds of odd and inexplicable things they do.
This was a big family dinner at a fancy restaurant – I expect it must have been my grandparents’ wedding anniversary. I was sitting at one end of the table with my Uncle Bob beside me. And I remember as the waiter came around Uncle Bob quietly requested that at the end of the meal the check should be brought to him.
I think it was the first time in my young life that the question of paying for a restaurant meal had come to my attention. But what really made this memory stick in my head was the upset it created at the end, when my grandfather came to realize that the bill had already been settled. My mother’s family was never much for raised voices or public displays of annoyance, but the family tension was evident, even to my young self at that time.
As an adult, working in retail and customer service, I’ve witnessed this dynamic on other occasions, as families or friends will often jostle with one another over who pays for the group. People, it seems, are eager to treat, but reluctant to be treated.
I wonder if this is a kind of contemporary version of what Jesus is talking about in today’s Gospel. If this competition to be the magnanimous benefactor is akin to trying to take the place of honor, whereas letting someone else pay for us feels like being demoted to a lower place?
Jesus goes on to invert this premise. He reminds us that it’s a good thing to be generous, to treat others, to give without thought of recompense. To be generous to those who couldn’t possibly reciprocate. And maybe that’s the sticking point.
We do tend to extend our hospitality most to those who could return the favor. There is, perhaps, a sense of pride in providing for others; and a sense of obligation in being provided for. And it’s uncomfortable to feel obligated; we naturally prefer to be in the benefactor’s role.
But Jesus calls us not to Pride but to Humility. Every one who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.
Jesus himself is, of course, the perfect example of the host he describes in the parable. He has invited us all to the banquet, this Eucharistic Banquet we are all here to enjoy as a precursor to the Heavenly Banquet he prepares for us, unworthy as we are.
Jesus is providing for us what we can never hope to repay.
And he is calling on us all to go and do likewise.
He does call us to be generous with our goods and our hospitality, to give to one another without counting the cost.
And that’s the key – without counting the cost.
We are indebted to Christ. He gives to us what we can never repay. There’s that uncomfortable sense of obligation.
But he also gives us a loophole.
What you do for the least of my brethren you do for me, he tells us. We can reciprocate our debt to him through humble and selfless generosity